im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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