I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
