my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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