u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
