it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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