I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
