Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
