i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
