Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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