this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
