I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
