Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
