are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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