I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
