I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
