Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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