What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
