She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Do vagina's smell?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
