I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
