I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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