1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
