you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
