this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Rumble strips road head = magical
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
