I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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