So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
