Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
its not stalking. its research.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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