That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
