He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
