Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
there was a trapeze. enough said
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
