You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
