Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
