I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
