So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
