Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
