ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
