just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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