If i come over, it means nothing
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
