I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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