So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
