wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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