hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
