when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
