how can u be prego again
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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