Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
