i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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