That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
