sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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