For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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