Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
