Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
