I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
