yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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